There are many shoes which are just in my memories. I never bought them, and I'm not feeling bad about it - I did'nt need those shoes so badly.






These are one of those "almost mine" - shoes. I liked them very much but I didn't know how much I liked them. So, I didn't bought them and I don't regret it now. There is many other things I regret though.

I regret that I let my pet rabbits go. I gave them away and I can't stop regretting it. I loved them, though they were not so cuddly bunnies or what so ever. But I loved them, both of them and I can't forgive my self that I did so. How could I? Are they okay, is everything good with them? They have each other, at least, and the lady who took them were very kind and undestanding and she had had many other bunnies before them. And I had to do it, I had no time for them. But I miss them so much and I regret every day that I let them go. I give them away. Do I regret it every single day of my life?

I miss the puffy and soft fur and long ears. I miss how they took care of the each other, liked others ears and head. I miss how they used to lie close to each other. I miss then so much. They were pets, I know, and it was the best thing to do but.. I remember how I cried when I heard that mu mom had found a place to them. I was at the school and I went to the ladies room and just cried my eyes off. Now all I have is many pictures and when I look at those pictures I get this feeling. Did I betray them by giving them away?

I remember when I found these. I didn't have enough money then and I couldn't buy them but I just fell in love immediately. I loved the high heels and all the glitter and sparkle and when I tried them on I just felt so.. so good, so feminine!
It took me whole summer to finally buy these shoes. And when I decideds to buy them I felt so great and when I finally found them again.. I was on the seventh heaven!

These are my first real party shoes, I mean is was the summer when I turned 18 and I could get into the bars and night clubs so I needed a decent party shoes, right? Well, these shoes have so many wonderful memories. I remember how we danced all night long with my friends and we had just so much fun!

I don't think that my shoe thing started becouse of these shoes, but it got little more boost by these shoes. Nowadays I don't use these shoes so often becouse I have bought other party shoes and these are little broken already. It makes me sad to notice that I have used them at the night clubs so some of the "diamonds" are fallen off.

Well, I'm pretty happy that I bought these shoes after two months from that when I found them. I knew then, and I know now, that I don't need them. I have shoes, I had shoes then, and I could use other shoes at the bars and night clubs and parties. But it feels good to look good. High heels give some wierd self-confidence, you feel pretty and feminine and you know that everybody looks at you. Is it bad to feel sometimes that you are the centre piece of everything?

I bought new shoes, again. They are black and they have hidden heels inside them so I look taller than I really am and nobody knows.



So, nobody knows that there is little secret inside my shoes. Nobody knows that, in fact, I'm not so tall after all. Is that lying? I don't know. There are many things that we are hiding in this world. We don't tell our friends how lonely we feel, we just.. keep smiling. We might not tell someone if we like him/her. We just watch him/her and think how cute and handsome and nice she/he is.
Sometimes we hide our broblems from everyone. Why we do that? Why we can't get help even thought our friends and family will help us? Is it so hard just tell someone if you feel lonely or sad?

I know that it's not so black and white. Sometimes we tell and sometimes we cry and then we feel better. It's easier to talk with someone when you have taken drink or two, this is something Iäve noticed. My dear friend told me that she had been really sad and she doesn't cry almsot never. So when she had taken couple drinks she told us what bothered her and then se cried. But she felt little bit better afterwards and that's good.

You can't hide everything, even thought you might want to do so. I couldn't hide my own sadness, and my friend couldn't hide hers. And I'm happy that she shared her sad thoughts with me and I could help her.